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“My name's RM, I'm from South Korea. I'm 25. I'm doing this V LIVE with my ARMYs, with my lovers.” This quote, from a 2019 live chat with the BTS leader, became part of a series of fandom in-jokes across ARMY. It’s also an excellent opening to talk about one of the most interesting aspects of being in a fandom for any celebrity: the parasocial relationship.
We tend to think of parasocial relationships as something that only happens in the context of stan Twitter — a form of relationship that involves a mega-famous celebrity so far removed from “regular” people that it’s impossible to connect with them any other way. However, parasocial relationships are actually everywhere across fandom spaces, and even other fans can be the subjects of this largely unequal relationship.
A parasocial relationship is a long-term attachment to a media figure (a blogger, an idol, or even a politician) based on what a person “knows” or understands about that figure over time. We develop parasocial relationships based on repeated interactions with these figures on social media or on television that make them seem relatable and accessible rather than far away from us “regular” people.
These interactions are usually one-sided. Watching lives on YouTube, Instagram or VLIVE, tweeting at a celebrity or posting on a fansite/platform like Weverse, looking at their personal YouTube channels or reality shows, and watching interviews they do with other people all help shape the parasocial relationship. You don’t have to talk to someone to develop a parasocial relationship around them, you just have to interact with them… or their public persona. Heck, some people even believe that you can have some form of parasocial relationships with fictional characters (see the rise of “comfort characters” across modern fandom).
On the surface, parasocial relationships can look like a strange new form of fandom. However, they date back to the earliest days of celebrity and fandom culture in some form or another. When Sir Arthur Conan Dolyle “killed off” Sherlock Holmes in 1893, fans publicly mourned the character’s death and wrote “fix-it” fic in a prominent early display of fandom and the parasocial relationship. Fans have always written passionate letters to musical stars and actors that they’ve been invested in, with the Beatles’ early fandom being one of the best-documented fanbases in modern music history.
Parasocial relationships can be positive or negative. I know many people who have a typical mental image of the parasocial relationship, even in fandom, as something that trends more towards ableist and misogynistic representations of “crazy” fangirls. We’ve probably all seen different ways that the parasocial relationship can inspire aggressive behavior in fans. Sometimes, the aggression is aimed at the celebrities themselves (anger that the celebrity is in a relationship or has let them down by publicly behaving badly). Other times, the aggression is aimed at other fans or people who may be seen as “harmful” to the celebrity’s reputation or career, whether or not they actually are.
Another negative example is the way that parasocial relationships can develop for people who aren’t actually celebrities thanks to the increasingly blurred line between creator and consumer. Anyone with a platform is someone who other people may develop a parasocial relationship with. Even I have been the object of other people’s parasocial relationships. I have my own fans (and anti-fans) that think they know me and have developed their own relationships with other people online over their perceived relationships with me or based on the content I have created! It’s incredible… and also occasionally terrifying to realize that people have created connections between you and them that do not actually exist and are reacting to you (sometimes very negatively) because of that.
However, parasocial relationships can be positive as well, with immense benefits to the fans’ mental and emotional wellbeing and community-building within fandom.
As fan studies scholar Rivkah Groszman points out in “Revisiting parasocial theory in fan studies: Pathological or (path)illogical?”, “It's always easier to connect with others when you have something in common. In the case of fandom, that common ground can be the media figure(s) with whom you and other fans have a parasocial relationship.” Some of my best friends in fandom these days are people I met because of our shared parasocial relationships with celebrities like the members of BTS, Zendaya, and the rockstar Miyavi. Bonding over our deep affection for a celebrity, the connections we’ve made “with” them on our own, and the way these celebrities feel like they’re friend-shaped in some way, has led to incredibly meaningful and positive relationships between fans and across these different fandoms.
Musicians and other celebrities also can benefit from this bond, forging a connection with their fanbase that doesn’t just help them in the charts or with increasing their audience, but that boosts their own moods. People like to be liked, and celebrities are no different. While the interactions necessary to keep the parasocial relationship going are generally one-sided, artists, influencers, and other celebrities can actually play a part in it. Reading comments aloud on lives, thanking fans for gifts, reminding fans to wear masks and stay safe, asking for or giving advice on social media, and remembering fans from repeat appearances at intimate in-person events are just some of the ways that celebrities can bridge the gap in this connection.
Parasocial relationships also help fans feel less lonely and that’s something to keep in mind. What’s also important? Remembering the boundaries at play. We’ve all memorized our favorite media figures’ birthdays and their pets’ names. We may even know details about allergies they have or a healthcare issue they’ve been dealing with, but we’re not their friends. Unfortunately, most of us will never have a deeper relationship with our celebrity favorites than what’s present within the confines of a parasocial relationship. And while supporting your fave through hard times isn’t a bad thing, rampant speculation about what they’re going through can be (see: the reaction to John Mulaney’s divorce announcement).
Even in the case where we’re actually engaging with these artists (like the time R&B artist Rakiyah retweeted one of my tweets), that’s really the end of the interaction on their end. There’s nothing wrong with looking to a media figure — an idol, a vlogger, or a podcaster — as someone who appeals to you because of how relatable they are. There’s nothing wrong with a celebrity or “comfort character” or even a vlogger/social media influencer boosting your mood with their online presence! It’s also great to make friends based on a shared appreciation of that person.
But when the parasocial relationship inspires aggressive action towards the source of your interest or towards other fans, then it’s time to pull back and redirect your energy.
Stitch will continue discussing the many layers of fandom in Fan Service, published every other week on Teen Vogue. You can follow their work on Stitch's Media Mix and on Twitter.
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Want more from Teen Vogue? Check this out: What “Falcon and the Winter Soldier” Teaches Us About Fandom Misogynoir
